On Monday we met with my O.B. And were given two more choices to make. Have the birth here surrounded by family. And let her live as long as she can on her own. Or go To Salt Lake or Boise and let her live in the NICU for as long as her body can stand. Now two cases are the same there is a %30 chance of surviving to deliver, And only a %10 chance of life after birth. So now we wait.
Some days are good some are bad. We will do continued ultrasounds to monitor growth and amniotic fluid. The genetists called us from Ogden and told us she also has Spinsbifida.
A friend of mine found us a fetal heart monitor so I listen to her everyday. Right now her heart rate is steady at between 145-150.
I don't often ask why. As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS /Mormon). We believe that after being seale together in the Temple that our family unit is eternal. So I know that our baby girl will be waiting for us when this life is over.
With the comfort that brings a piece of me is still broken. Knowing instead of having first birthdays and Christmas's with her they will be celebrated without her.
The days are long and hard. The first were the worst I remember crying so hard I couldn't breathe. OR crying until I fell asleep.
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