We went back to the Doctor today. Good news: the cysts in Mackinley's brain are gone, she has two kidney's with once fully functional, amniotic fluid is normal. Bad news: One kidney has a partial blockage, she is in the 3rd percentile for size weighing in at about 1.5 pounds (average weight for 7 month baby at least 3 lbs.) Heart defect is fatal, she will not grow enough to be strong enough to fix her heart.
He asked us if we knew what we wanted to do. He said one of two things will happen.1 Because of the defect her heart will just stop one day(before she makes it to term) 2 she will make it to term weighing in at approx 2 1/2 - 3 1/2 pounds. If we deliver elsewhere and her lungs start giving out she will be placed on a ventilator, where she will lay along with pain mediation for the spinabifida. Until her lungs become too week for even the ventilator to work.Primay childrens kept one baby alive for six months and 2.2 million dollars. Laying in a bassinet on a vent. NO THANKS
Or we can have her here and if she is strong enough they will give her a feeding tube and place her on oxygen until it is time for her to go. And we will be surrounded by family. And our children will be able to hold her and love her and tell her goodbye. There is even a possibility that should she be strong enough she could come home for a day or two....
So the decision is made. We will stay here. And love her and let her go. I will not force life upon a child that isn't meant to stay. TO me it is selfish to place her on major pain meds and a ventilator just so i can hold her longer. I would rather send her back to a perfect body . And rejoice in the fact that she will be mine to raise one day when this life is over. She will stay for as long as the Lord intends and when it is time we will hold her tight, kiss her goody-bye and let her go. Because we love her we will let her go.
Bless you, and your family! It's very selfless decision, and I am sure a hard one :: but I fully believe the right one. I think about you daily, and keep you in my prayers. {luv n hugs}
ReplyDeleteWe continue to pray for you and your little family. What a difficult decision! And I think you've made the right choice, too. ((Hugs)) to you!
ReplyDeleteHi I am married to your mom's cousin, Joe Barrow. Having lost a child myself, there are worse things than death. Watching your child suffer knowing there isn't anything you can do about it is worse. Your testimonies are strong and that is what gets you through. She is yours forever and no one can take that away. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
ReplyDeleteKim BArrow
Thank you for sharing all that you're going through. What a horrible decision to have to make! I'm so sorry for all you're going through and yet so glad that you're using this opportunity to grow closer as a family to each other and to your Heavenly Father. And again thank you so much for opening yourselves enough to share this with others. You'll probably never know how many people you're touching for good and strengthening through sharing you're experience. I know that knowledge alone probably doesn't make it any easier to get through the day in day out challenges and emotions that face you and only you, and I hope and pray that the Lord will continue to sustain you and teach you through all this. For our part (your readers) all we can do is thank you, pray for you, and continue to share our testimonies with you too, that God does live and will see you through this. I am so grateful we have a Savior who gave His life that we might overcome all and be resurrected in our perfect form and be with our loved ones for all time! May God sustain you till that great day! I pray the precious time you're granted with Mackinley Ann here on this earth will be beautiful!
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