Christmas has now come and gone. What a day. Jared had to work so it wsa just me the kids and my thoughts(not a good combination). The kids chose to wait until their dad could be home to open gifts. Which was very touching, knowing it would not be until sunday evening. We weren't due to be out to Jared's mom and dad's until around one. So while I was thankful for a day to celebrate the birth of our Savior. There were many shed tears thinking about Mackinley. And how while normally i would be counting down the weeks until her arrival. Everyday I know is now just one step closer to a hello, which will become a goodbye. I am 28 weeks now, and worry everyday that she will not be strong enough to stay long. I know I should be grateful for anytime we might get. Most babies with trisomy 18 don't even survive to delivery. And we have made it 7 1/2 months. SO while I am thankful that each day she is alive inside of me just increases the chances of us getting to see her alive, I also worry knowing that her heart could stop at any time. And I think the worst thing would be to make it close to full term and lose her right before delivery.
A girl I know that was due in March just delivered a 3 month early 2 1/2 pound baby. And he is breathing on his own and everythign looks good. Mackinley will be lucky if she makes it to that weight at full-term. The hardest part is not knowing how long we will keep her. So while my heart breaks daily, I am hoping and parying that it is in my Heavenly Father's plan for her to stay with us for any amount of time, as long as she is not in pain.
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