Whisperings

As I watch people around me getting ready to welcome new babies into their lives. Sometimes in my mind I wish we would have fought to keep Mackinley with us, and I wonder how long she could have stayed if we would have chosen to fight for her life. Would we have had hours, instead of minutes, maybe a day or two, or even a week, or month. And then a whisper comes to my heart that takes me back to the moment 2 days before her birth, when Jared and I where told by the spirit that it was "time to let her go, she had done what she came to do." And while yes I wish she could have stayed longer, that sweet whispering that reminds me we did the right thing, brings peace to my troubled mind.... and I am reminded of a song that says, reffering to our Heavenly Father "sometimes He calms the storm, and sometimes He calms his child." And it is then that I am reminded that while I am sure it is difficult for Heavnely Father to see us suffer, I know the storms that enter my life are to better me, and to mold me into something more than I am. And I am thankful everyday calm that comes to my spirit, as I wait for the time I will hold Mackinley in my arms again.

The Holidays

The fall holiday season is upon us, with Halloween next week. This will be a growing experience for our family as we prepare to celebrate without Mackinley here. Jordyn asked me the other day "Mom, when is Jesus coming to our house?" I replied, "I don't know honey, why?" "Because when he comes again Mackinley will be here, and when we eat she can sit in my chair at the table, and I will let her weep (sleep) in my bed with me." My children are so blessed to have been able to experience such a wonderful teaching opportunity that will continue throughout their lives.
As I was at a friends house ( who has a baby) Avery (being Avery) says to my friend.. "you are so lucky, your baby didn't die." At this time I replied to her "and you are lucky to have a baby sister waiting for you in Heaven, not everyone has an angel baby, like we do." She still struggles to understand the why, but sometimes so do I.
And Tucker, he just tells me how much he "loves Mackinley, and when he gets to Heaven he will be the BEST BROTHER EVER" And I believe every word. He then throws in a plug for how much he "REALLY wants a brother." I choose not to think about that right now, or anytime in the near future.........
And Jared and I, well all I can say there is I am married to the most wonderful, understanding, compassionate man in the world. And am so thankful to have had him at my side through all of this............