going too fast

This Saturday I will be starting my 30th week. None of my children have gone the full 40, and as each day turns into a week I wonder how much longer we will have. And when Mackinley comes how much time will we get. Will it be minutes, hours, days, a few weeks? Each case is different, it mostly depends on how much her lungs develope, and how long her heart can sustain her. At church this past Sunday i was visting with the Young Women I teach about Mackinleyt and how Jared and i didin't chose this trial. But when I got home I thought. In a way YES we did. We were given the choice to terminate/abort the day we found out(20 weeks). And never once did it even cross our minds. We chose for me to carry her and to provide her with her tiny body. And even if she never takes a breath I will never regret that choice. I have learned so much from her. I have leaned things about myself, and my Heavenly father. And for this i am thankful. She has not only taught me she has provided me with opportuniteas to teach my children. They love her SOOO much it amazes me. And wile i can't wait to see her the time is going to fast because I know our hello will lead to a god bye for now. But would i change it, or do anything different. Never, for a second, what a gift this is.