Inspiration or wishful thinking?

As Jared and I have dealt the best we can with our situation we have gone about it in a way that seems completely opposite. I don't feel that I am a "the glass is half empty" kind of person. But I am a realist and I know that Mackinley won't stay long with us. There are just too many complications. And while I can't wait for her to arrive I want everything lined out and ready for when the time comes to let her go. Jared on the other hand doesn't want to talk about or plan for it. He wants to just enjoy whatever time we might get and then take care of those things when we have to. That is probably why he looked completely SHOCKED last night. We were doing our standard grocery shopping and I grabbed a small package of preemie diapers and put them in the cart. With genuine shock he looked at me and asked "What are those for?" So I told him, "I just feel like we need to have some." Maybe it is just the mother in me that needs to have everything ready. So that i can take the best care of Mackinley whiel she is here and Avery, Tucker, and Jordyn after she is gone. Whether this is inspiration and Mackinley will come home for maybe even a day. Or it is just wishful thinking because the time is fast approaching, I have no idea. All I do know is that the weeks are going to fast and yet not fast enough. A part of me would carry her forever if it meant we could keep her with us. And yet another part of me is ready to return her to her Heavenly Father where she will be whole and free from pain. And we will be able to start a life time of picking up the broken pieces and wiping the reoccurring tears. I am so thankful that while I know this will be one of the hardest things my family will ever face (I hope), I know that death is not forever. And I will hold Mackinley again one day as we sit together in the Heavens as an eternal family.