Winding down...........

As I feel the time slipping away I don't even know how to describe how I am feeling. Mostly sad because I know our time will more then likley soon run out. And yet the selfish part of me some days wishes this would all end so that we could start putting our lives together. I know I will never be the same as I was before we were blessed with Mackinley. And neither will any of my family. Maybe it is because I know that in the itme after she leaves us there will be many long hard days. And i wonder how I will make it throug. I know that I will and that I will be carried many of those days. I still look forward to the end of the waiting. it has been 3 months of waiting, and at times I am ready to move forward. And yet I am in NOW WAY ready to say goodbye. Letting go of mackinley will be no easier then if it was any of my other 3 children. I recieved the most beautiful quilt in the mail today. With a inspiring saying on it. It says "Love is a miracle only the heart understands." How true this is. It is hard to imagine how I could have so much love to the baby i have never held. And to see my small children exhibit an equivelent love for her never ceases to amaze me. It is truley a testament to me that life comes at the moment of conception. I don't care who you are or how you may view this. But I know through this trail we have faced that the moment a child is concieved they are a baby, a person, with a spirit sent from a loving Heavenly Father. And whether they are here long or only for a blink of an eye, one is no more or less important then the other. HE loves them all just as he loves us. And it is a comfort to know that he loves Mackinley and has blessed our lives with her presence. I feel her all the time and am thankful that i will have the opportunity to spend an eternity with such a special daughter of God.