Miracles

As of the past week or two my sleeping has not been so great. It is one thing that Dr. Dowdle always asks me about when I go to my appointments. And tells me to make sure and tell him if I need anything. I am stubborn and don't wnat anything. I have a VERY low tolerance for medicine. And if I needed to take anything Tylenol puts me to sleep for a good 6-8 hours. And until lately I was doing just fine. Well Monday we went in for yet another ultrasound. Mackinley's heart rate was down to 129. Which is low for her. And we learned that the is excess amniotic fluid. Which comes with it's own risks to both of us. And it means that she is not swallowing like she should be. And my risks of having her early increase. As I lay down to sleep Monday night I knew it would be a long night. Lately I dream of her birth, sometimes she is alive for a while sometimes she is not. And then the funeral follows. My mind just won't shut off. So after only getting about 3 hours of sleep Monday night Jared suggests that when we go back to the doctor I get something to help sleep.
I decided to instead ask him to give me a blessing. Usually these are very personal and I don't share But this one was a miracle to me and I want to have it to remember. So i am going to share. I have worried alot about how I will cope when the time comes. How I will grieve and still be mom to the 3 beautiful children that I have here with me. HE blessed me that even though there will be sad days I will be able to do the things I need to do to take care of my children. The peace that came to me was instant. It was as thought my Savior was standing next to me telling me "Peace I leave with you my peace I give unto you. All will be well. When you are too weak I will carry you and what you have will be enough. It will still be hard but through our trials we are refined, and she will be waiting for you, and knows how much you love her." I was also blessed with sleep and I slept like I slept before I was pregnant. So while I know we will return Mackinley to the arms of her Heavenly Father miracles abound. And for that I am thankful. Mackinley doesn't need a miracle SHE IS THE MIRACLE sent to our family to help us learn and grow.

(attached are some pics of a beautiful blanket and head bands made for Mackinley by my wonderful friend Alisha...THANK YOU)