Catching a break........

I have tried really hard to be positive through all of this and so far it hasn't been that hard to find the good. But after the doctor appotinment today, I am going to take a minute to complain. After all we have been through over the past 5 months you would think we just might catch some sort of break. No such luck. Last week when we went in Mackinley was head down and I was at a one. Today I am still at a one and sh eis now completely breech. I have no desire to have a c-section. So on the 7th when i go in to be induced they will try to turn her. If they cannot turn her they will try to deliver her breech. And if she gets stuck I will be headed for an emergency c-section. Why does this cause me to complain? After all I have had 4 major surgeries in my life so what's one more. Here is my fear. If I have a c-section there is a good possibility that they will removed her alive. And while I lay on the table being sewn back together from the surgery she could die. Which means I will lay one that table wondering if she is alive and because of the surgery I might never get to hold her alive. It terrifies me and breaks my heart to think that if she doesn't turn and ends up stuck I could lay on the operating table while she takes her last breaths without her mom. AM I angry at our situation? No, we aren't given anymore then we can handle. I just pray that this isn't something the Lord thinks I can handle. Through all of this I don't feel I have asked him for much, I never asked for this trial to be taken away. I have only asked that we be able to hold her alive just long enough to share our love, hugs, and kisses. So I will spend the next 12 days asking him to help us, to let her turn, or atleast not become stuck if she doesn't. But in the end it is his will, and I will accept whatever may come. PLease keep her in your prayers.