Bumps in the road

This past weekend was much harder then I thought it would be. Saturday marked the two month date that Mackinley came and left. It is hard to believe that it has been that long. Sometimes it sits in my mind as clear as if it was yesterday. And sometimes it all seems to have been just a bad dream from ages ago. And yet when a day like mother's day comes all the pain and heartache come flooding back. It is days like that I am reminded that I should be celebrating this day with my 3 older children and a baby in my arms. I almost started crying in the middle of Wal-Mart as I was picking out mother's day cards for my mom and mother-in-law. It is times like these that for a brief moment I think, if we would have gone somewhere else and did the whole life-support, take ever measure, would I be spending mother's day with that beautiful little girl? And when these thoughts creep in I have learned to push them away. I could make myself crazy with "why's" and "what ifs". It is times like this I remind myself that while at the Temple I was told it was time to let her go and that it is okay. It is as it should be she is happy whole and waiting for me. And while eternity seems forever away I know the time in this life is just a blink compared to the time I will have with her. So while I will continue to have bumps in the road of life,I will choose to make this journey and the hard days it brings stepping stones and not stumbling blocks. And I will find peace in the knowledge that we made the right choice we chose what was best for her. Not what we wanted but what she needed. And I know in my heart she is thankful for that.