In preparation for the days, months, etc... after leting Mackinley go I read many blogs. And it always seemed that people walked around in a fog that seemed to take forever to clear. I will admit the first week wasn't horrible. But every waking second was spent preparing for the viewing and funeral. The second week was excruciating. While I remaind tough during the days when bedtime rolled around Jared spent most nights holding me as I cried. It will be one month tomorrow that our little angel slipped into heaven. And life is moving on. Yes I think of her. Not as often as I used to. And she doesn't consume my thoughts as I thought she would. Little things will remind me of her. The hardest part was when a stranger asked me if I had other children besides Jordyn. I said no and then felt horrible. i decided that isn't the response for me. I like to talk about her, I like to share her. She is my child and I am thankful for all that she taught me.
I feel myself healing everyday. I have learned healing is like a puzzle it comes one "peace" at a time. And I find that I only want to remember those sweet tender moments. Even as I look back on the pictures i can tell when she was no longer "there". We were blessed to be given a digital picture frame by my sister and brother in-law. Right now it shows all Mackinley's pictures. And I have felt strongly that it is time to change it to those ones that bring peace as I view them. I can feel her desire for me to be at peace and to move ahead. I am so thankful for the knowledge of a Heavenly Father that trusted our family enough to send such a special, Valiant spirit to our family. What a miracle the atonement of Jesus Christ is that allows us to be forgiven of our sins. And what a blessing it is to know that Jared and I have an eternal marriage sealed in the Temple that makes my family eternal. I feel Mackinley often reminding me of what lays ahead and encouraging me to keep moving forward.
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