I put things away today

A friend of mine once said "Healing comes once peace at a time." I find that to be so true. It has been almost 5 months now. And today I took the stack of things next to my bad and put them in my pine chest. This wasn't just any stack of things it was MAckinley's stack. Her blankets, her memory box from the hospital. Those things that were sitting there day in and day out reminding me that I had a baby with Trisomy 18. A baby that Heavenly Father loved so much he only asked her to come and get a body then she could return to him. And he trusted Jared and I with her. What a blessing to be trusted with such a special gift. To be given our own miracle. My heart swells when I kneel next to little Jordyn(3 yrs) as she says her prayers that always include "bless "Kinley" help her be strong and healthy and big." I had no intention of putting those things away today. I just walked into my room and knew it was time. I have often been asked if we will try again. Right now I have no idea. I can't even bring myself to hold a new born baby. BUt I believe that when my heart is healed the day will come when I will be able to do that, and then I will know; just as I knew it was time to put things away. The same kind of knowing that came when I knew we were supposed to have Mackinley, and the same kind of knowing that came when a sweet voice whispered to me that it was time to let her go. Heavnly Father blesses our lives in many ways. And sometimes in a way we didn't ask for or can understand. But I know as the years pass when I look back there won't be a single day that I will regret what I have gone through. It helps me to strive to be a better person every day. It has drawn me closer to my husband, and my children. And above all it has given me a knowledge of the love that my Heavenly Father has for me. And a sure testimony of the atonement of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I have felt him pick me up and carry me when I felt I could no longer walk. I have felt his arms encircle me when my heart was breaking and above all I have felt peace in times I was sure I was going to fall apart. So as i put things away. I am so thankful that a perfect baby girl chose me to be her "mommy" and I look forward to the day when I can tell her how much I love her,because she has told me many many times over the past 5 months. A sweet whisper to my heart as real as if she were standing next to me.