I am sure tomorrow will be filled with joy and some tears as well. While I am so thankful to have 3 beautiful healthy children that are the joy of my life. And I look forward to watching them open the gifts and see the joy on their faces. Deep within me a part of me is breaking knowing that next year instead of celebrating with 4 children, it will still be three. And will include a stop at the cemetery. Where a gift will be left for the baby we will be missing. And while I know she Will only be gone for a while, that will not take away the pain.
The saving grace will be the fact that I know I am a daughter of a loving Heavenly Father. One that loves me so much he willing gave his own beloved son to be sacrificed for my shortcomings. And as I think of that I think a part of me understands the pain he felt as he watched Christ suffer both in the Garden of Gethsemene and on the cross. While I will not have to watch Mackinley suffer, I am carrying her knowing that She will not live. Yes, we were given the choice to abort the pregnancy when we found out the complications. But if a loving Heavenly Father was willing to sacrifice his own son for me do I not owe him all that I am. I know he has a greater plan in store for our sweet Mackinley, and after all he has done for me this is the least that I can do. As we celebrate Christmas tomorrow I will be forever grateful to a young women willing to travel to Bethlehem and give birth to a baby in a manger. And a Savior willing to give his life for me so that I can be forgiven of my shortcomings, I know they are many. And while it doesn't take all the pain away I will be grateful for the peace that it brings and the many reasons I have to celebrate.
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